Cheesey Rubbish From Bristol University

Yet another ridiculous formula, this time about the correct width of cheese slice for a cheese sarney.

Since it is specifically about West Country Farmhouse Cheddar one suspects that some slight commercial consideration might have lead to:

W = [1 + 2bd/13 – s + m/2 – c  + (v+p)/7t](100+l)/100

where

W = thickness of cheese

b = thickness of two slices of bread

d = dough modifier

s = thickness of spread

m = thickness of mayonaise

c = creaminess modifier

v = thickness of sliced tomato

p = thickness of pickle

t = tanginess modifier

l = thickness of lettuce

We are not told how d, c and t are to be measured. Note that d and t must be dimensionless but c needs to be measured in millimetres, since it is subtracted from the thickness of mayonaisse. Furthermore, if your tomato and pickle are completely flavourless and thus have a tanginess factor of zero, an infinitely thick slice of cheese is required.

Bristol University has previous when it comes to selling out to the commercial sector producing pointless research. Len Fisher produced a cheese formula at Bristol University at the request of the British Cheese Council.

If Bristol University are wondering, like other academics, why there is a falling interest in science perhaps they migh consider the effect stories like this have – giving the impression that scientists spend their time dreaming up drivel.

 

 

 

Tags: Bristol University, British Cheese Council, Geoff Nute, Len Fisher, spurious formulae